6 years
Today i found myself looking back upon the last six years. I can tell you exactly where i was and what i was doing six years ago, but there seems to be so much that has happened in between that a lot of it just seems to be a blur. Six years ago would have been the summer before i started high school. And things have changed so much since then. I have grown both physically and mentally. There is no way that i could ever have imagined how things would be today. There are so many friends that i have met since then that have changed my life. When i was thinking back to how things were 6 years ago it made me realize how rarely i look back and reflect on the past; that the only time that i actively look into the past is when i'm retelling a story and want to be sure that i'm saying the right things. But i realized how great it is to look back on how things have changed and developed both around you and within you. I've realized that first perceptions can be wrong, that people do change over time, and that some things will never change. I have also realized that we have so little control over the big picture. We may try to change how things happen, but when it's all said and done, what we do plays a small role in the world around us.
For those that don't know i AM an identical twin. My twin's name is Marc and he passed away from complications from Leukemia on July 3rd 2001. From his passing i have changed so much. He has made me a stronger individual in everything that i have done. And because of him, i am the way i am today.
Time has gone so quickly since he passed, it seems like just a short while ago that we were hanging out together playing with toys at our house. But even today i know that he watches over me and encourages me in everything that i do. It has provided me with a stronger relationship with God, i know that with God's strength and support that you can get through anything and take on tasks that you never thought possible. And that with the right attitude and determination that you can surpass your original limitations.
I guess the whole point of this was that i was looking back and i realized that so much has changed in the last six years. And it makes me wonder what things will be like 6 years from now. By that time i will be turning 26. I will be out of college, hopefully with someone i love and care about, and beginning the task of ascending the business ladder of success. But who knows, i may not even be around when that point comes. When i was thinking about how things have changed i came up with a list of what i believe are what i need to develop within my life to live fully.
1. Be confident
2. Be decisive
3. Let others make their own decisions
4. Encourage others
5. Give generously
6. Read
7. Do the best that you possibly can
8. Be positive, even in your losses
9. Be grateful in your successes
10. Give thanks
11. Enjoy the company of others
In no way is this a complete list, nor are they in any particular order. But i feel that if i can fully develop these skills that i will live a more enjoyable, successful life. Some are what i already try to do, others will take time to develop. The biggest thing for me is being grateful for what i have, and for those around me. Because you never know when it will be someone else's time to go. My final message: Be grateful for the people around you, and never take advantage of the simple moments of happiness that you are presented with.
posted by The One, The Only, ME!! at 7/05/2007 02:04:00 AM
4 Comments:
I took myself on an extra long bike ride yesterday afternoon, simply because it was the fourth of July, and I wanted to time to reflect on that last quarter of my life. It was a significant day—one I remember every year—for different reasons than most people.
I’ve always thought of July 4, 2001 as the day I grew up. On that day, childhood ended with phone call—all of a sudden, life became more complex. For me, Marc’s death was a kick in the head; it woke me up. Honestly, the call I received on that Fourth of July morning, was one that I never thought would become reality…but life isn’t fair. That was one lesson I learned that day. I spent part of that afternoon walking along the edge of a cornfield with Aaron’s mom talking about the true meaning of freedom. That day was about Marc’s freedom from pain and the confines of this life—his soul was finally free. The sky was a clear bright blue that day. God has a plan, but as humans, we can’t always comprehend its true purpose. We can only trust in Him.
Pondering is a hobby of mine. And over the last six years, I’ve spent more time on this subject than anything else: how did Marc McConnell affect my life and the lives of those around me? How much was his presence in my life a factor in who I have become? Well…I can tell you right now that I am who I am today because I had the privilege to be associated with not only with Marc, but his family. He is one of the most remarkable people I have ever known…and I didn’t really even know him that well. The strength, courage, perseverance, and faith I have seen in the McConnell household is truly extraordinary. I always felt welcomed by Marc’s family, and, over the years, Reid has been the truest friend to me—for that, I am eternally grateful.
Who would we all be had it not been for that summer of 2001? I honestly don’t know. I knew Marc affected us all, but it wasn’t until years later that I realized how deeply. We talked about it, and as the years went on the pain became less raw. Around our senior year in high school, we reached the point where we could discuss Marc, laugh, and smile at his memory. Only then, did I understand that he lives on through each of us that remembers him and was affected by his life. We carry him in our hearts.
Marc is a memory I never want to forget. In the past six years, each of us has dealt with his passing. The pain of that loss isn’t doesn’t live on the surface like it did six years ago, but it’s there. Less raw, but still real. I don’t think anyone will ever completely “get over it.” Instead, we find a place in our hearts to put the memories, and the lessons that Marc taught us. We use them to make us stronger, better people.
I never told you this Reid; I wasn’t sure if I should…or how to…Our junior year in high school (about the time of Jimmy Search and his gold medal glory), I had one of the most vivid dreams I can recall. You were wearing that red Ronald McDonald t-shirt you wore to school at least once a week—it was everyday you. Marc was beside you as I last remembered him. Both of you were grinning that identical, crooked toothed smile (even when Marc was at his sickest, I could always see the resemblance between the two of you in your smiles), you had an arm around one another’s shoulder, and you were waving. I took that dream as a sign that Marc is happy, and well…and that most of all, he lives on in you, Reid.
7/05/2007 10:00 PM
My user account doesn't work...why is that?
7/05/2007 10:01 PM
"Be grateful for the people around you, and never take advantage of the simple moments of happiness that you are presented with."
^^ A life lesson for everyone.
7/05/2007 11:34 PM
You're right, Maggie, I think we all have learned our own lessons through everything with Marc. And not only Marc, but your entire family, Reid. You are all so strong. For me, I've learned that life is a gift. From whom or what, I don't know, but it is a gift. And for a good portion of my life I've never appreciated it. I didn't even want it. I tend to take for granted all the good things I've been given, like friends and family, and focus on the negative. Maggie, you said something about how we are able to share our memories and everything we've gained from Marc's passing. I remember the moment my lesson surfaced, but I don't think it has truly sunk in until now. It was improv camp and we were all sitting together in the bunks. We were talking about Marc and how things have changed. It was then that I realized what a spoiled brat I have been. Marc didn't want to die. I did. I couldn't understand why god would take away someone from this earth that really deserved to be there. Someone who enjoyed life and would probably change the world. I didn't understand why I couldn't have gone instead. I honestly could not stop sobbing that night. I felt so guilty for everything in my life. But mostly for just being alive.
Now, I guess, I look back over the years, too, but I'm less impressed with the [lack of] progress I've made. What I should have been thinking that night (and all the nights since) was how fortunate I was to have friends and family that cared about me and how lucky I was to just be alive. And though my life is probably not going to change instantly, I think that thinking about all of this is a step forward. I used to be sad that Marc couldn't stay around longer to change the world, but I think it's obvious that he already has.
p.s. happy birthday, reid.
7/06/2007 11:52 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home